Self-Care
Could Your Golden Years Be Way Better Abroad?
We spent 75 days testing life in five Southeast Asian countries and came home rethinking retirement. Plus: What to know about “golden visas.”
My husband Earl is 62 years old. He’s spent his entire adult life as a Black man in America doing what so many of us do without even naming it: scanning. Scanning rooms. Scanning streets. Scanning for the subtle and not-so-subtle signals that tell you whether a space is safe, whether your presence is welcome or merely tolerated.
In Southeast Asia, for the first time in his life, he stopped scanning.
From mid-February through early May 2026, we tried out life in Vietnam, Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia and Cambodia. We capped the trip with five days in Tokyo.
Somewhere between our second week in Bali and our first evening walking the streets of Siem Reap, Cambodia, the tension in his shoulders dropped. He started lingering at restaurants instead of calculating the fastest exit. He slept more deeply than I’d heard him sleep in years. His blood pressure dropped to the lowest it’s ever been.
“This is the first time I’ve ever fully let my guard down,” he told me over a nice $10 dinner in a candlelit Cambodian restaurant. “I feel like a lion at peace.”
“No worries about gun violence,” he added. “No anxiety about police encounters. No one questioning whether I belong here.”
I felt it too — especially watching women walking alone at all hours of the night without visible apprehension. No clutched keys. No glances over their shoulders. It was liberating, then heartbreaking, because it made me realize the weight I’d been carrying my entire life without knowing it had a name.
That weight is specifically American. For a growing number of Black women, it’s also becoming a factor in decisions about where to live next.
A Lifestyle Upgrade That Cost Less Than We’d Expected
Forbes reported that more than 650,000 Black Americans now live abroad, and expat platforms like Travel Noire note that Southeast Asia has emerged as a leading destination. Earl and I spent 75 days living — not traveling, living — across the region. We stayed in furnished villas and rentals, shopped at local food markets, found gyms, and settled into routines.
In Ubud, Bali, we rented a stunning private villa with our own pool for roughly $83 per night. In Siem Reap, Cambodia, our two-week Airbnb – a two-bedroom, three-bathroom property nestled in a lush setting and complete with a hammock, pool, washer and dryer – was $97 per night, taxes included. Both places included decadent, full breakfasts delivered daily to our door. Restaurant meals for two rarely exceeded $20. A full-day private driver cost $40 to $60. Most Grabs (Asia’s version of Uber) were $3 to $5, even for 20-minute trips. We bought prescription medications, eyeglasses and had dental work done, all for a fraction of U.S. prices.
Our monthly cost of living averaged about $2,500 for the two of us — including luxury accommodations, eating out anytime we wanted, transportation, entertainment, and health care. In suburban Houston, our expenses run roughly triple that.
The Welcome We Didn’t See Coming
In Ubud, Earl and I walked into a health-conscious restaurant called Healthy Ubud and met Cherlene Wilson, a Jamaican-British woman who left the UK in June 2023 with one and a half suitcases, a backpack, and a handbag. She landed in Indonesia in September 2024 and never left.
“This is my dream country,” Cherlene said. She insisted that the cashier make me a special pita with extra chicken and extra sauce. “You know we like to have our sauce and seasonings,” she joked, laughing at the regular version’s timid flavoring. She was right — it was delicious. I went back for it twice.
But Cherlene wasn’t just friendly; she was a connector. Within minutes, she was recommending local spas and wellness centers, plugging us into community resources, and making me feel like Bali had a seat at the table with my name on it. She maintains a contact list of roughly 185 Black people from across the diaspora — Americans, Caribbeans, Africans, Brits — who have relocated to Indonesia.
Another younger Black woman had been waiting for her take-out order nearby, engaged in conversation with Cherlene. I’d assumed they were friends. They were not. Cherlene was simply doing what she does — making every Black person who walks through the door feel seen. That spirit gave me more confidence about relocation than any cost-of-living spreadsheet ever could.
Of Course, It Wasn’t All Paradise
I would be doing you a disservice if I painted this as a fairy tale. Language barriers are real — outside of main cities and tourist areas in many parts of Asia, English is limited, and basic tasks like negotiating a lease require patience and a translation app working overtime. Depending on your destination and beliefs, you may also find yourself living as a religious minority and adjusting to different customs, holidays and expectations. The heat and humidity are relentless in some regions. The distance from family is not just geographic; it is emotional. FaceTime helps, but it cannot replace holding your granddaughter. And the time zone difference can be rough!
The time zone was actually my hardest adjustment. Southeast Asia is 12 to 16 hours ahead of the U.S. As someone running a business serving American clients, maintaining work calls meant some very late nights and disrupted sleep. If your income depends on U.S. business hours, consider how the time difference might affect you and what workarounds or systems could help.
And while we personally experienced no racism during our time there, you are still visibly different. People may occasionally stare. Vendors may quote you a higher price. Hair care products designed for us can be nearly impossible to find. These are not dealbreakers, but they deserve honest acknowledgment.
Curious? Try Before You Relocate
If you’re Asia-curious, you don’t have to sell everything and move tomorrow. Earl and I approached our time as a test run, an extended trial to answer one question: could we actually live here?
Think about starting with one or two cities and spending at least two weeks in each. Ubud, Bali, may be worth considering for its beauty, wellness culture, and established Black expat community in Indonesia; Siem Reap, Cambodia, for its affordability, spiritual depth, and extraordinary kindness. Thailand ranked high on our list, too, but unfortunately, we did not get to visit the main northern city we wanted to see: Chiang Mai. The reason? They burn crops from February through April, and the air pollution can reportedly be horrible during the burning season. We decided to visit there at another time.
Consider renting residential accommodations rather than staying in hotels. Airbnb and local Facebook expat groups may be useful resources. Living in a neighborhood can give you a different perspective. Think about working while you are there, testing the WiFi, managing the time zone and observing your own energy. You might also connect with Black expats already on the ground. We found women like Cherlene everywhere — generous, knowledgeable, and eager to share what they have learned. And consider tracking your actual spending. Comparing those figures with your costs at home may help inform your thinking.
The Question We Couldn’t Stop Asking
After 75 days in Southeast Asia, the question we ultimately brought home was not whether we could live abroad. It was whether we could justify continuing to pay, financially, physically and emotionally, for a life in America that increasingly seemed to cost us more than it gave back.
That is not a question I can answer for you. But it’s one every Black woman deserves to ask out loud, without guilt, without apology, and with a passport in hand.
“Golden Visa” Is the Buzzword: Here’s What It Really Means, Decoded
Editor’s note: You’ve probably heard the term golden visa tossed around on social media, in expat forums and by relocation consultants. It has become a shiny catchall shorthand for a wide range of residency programs. In most cases, the reality is a pathway to live in a country long-term, not automatic citizenship or a second passport. Requirements vary and are typically tied to investments, savings, income or other financial qualifications. As Hoda Elamir, an attorney with Harvey Law Group, told AARP, the best way to establish a foothold abroad depends on your budget, work status and tolerance for paperwork and bureaucracy.
Indonesia formally calls its program a Golden Visa. Elsewhere in Southeast Asia, similar opportunities carry different official names, such as Malaysia’s My Second Home (MM2H) program and Thailand’s Long-Term Resident (LTR) Visa. A long-stay visa or residency permit also does not necessarily confer an unrestricted right to buy property: foreign-ownership rules are separate, vary by country and may limit the type of property or land a foreign resident can own. The more useful question for those of us thinking about relocation, retirement, or sabbatical options may not be, “Can I get a golden visa?” but rather, “Which residency option best fits the life I envision?”
Learn more: AARP’s guide to retiring abroad
This article reflects one couple’s experience and observations during a 75-day stay in Southeast Asia; experiences and residency requirements can vary significantly by country and individual circumstance.
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